Unmoor Yourself My Heart
by elphabah
Summary: Another year passes since Sasuke's departure. Sakura struggles to forget her former team-mate, but she isn't alone. Kakashi must also come to terms with his own personal demons. But to save himself he must first save Sakura from a similar fate.
1. Chapter 1

**Unmoor Yourself from My Heart**

The night sky was turning a bloody red as the sun retreated behind the famous Konoha mountainscape. Before long darkness would set in, bringing with it autumn's cool air. Sakura didn't care too much about a little chill after having spent her entire day in Tsunade's stuffy office. Atop of the shinobi hospital building, Sakura perched herself above the city streets, crystal green eyes gazing at the citizens below.

"Sakura." She did not stir at the sound of the familiar voice. Nor did she move at the quiet sound of approaching footsteps. Nothing could steal her away from her thoughts, the sad stride through her memories; that tender place softened by the glow of childhood. Sasuke, Naruto, would the three of them ever have a chance to be together as a team again? Or had that time come and gone? She sighed.

Only when he gently laid his hand on her shoulder did the young kunoichi turn to glance at the man beside her. He had taken a seat beside her with the most unassuming presence. With his one good eye, Kakashi casted her an unreadable look, "Tsunade-sama said you would be up here."

"I just came to get some fresh air," Sakura said with a mild yawn, her voice was quiet and hinted at her underlying exhaustion. "The smell of all those medicines was starting to make me a little dizzy."

With a sheepish laugh she added, "You would think by now I might be used to the smell by now. But really, I just don't know how Shizune-san and the lady hokage can tolerate it all the time."

He nodded with a soft smile on his face, breaking his gaze away to peer at the view before them. Sakura let the conversation die, neither of them quite up for casual small talk. Sakura had forgotten to ask what brought her former teacher here in the first place.

There was a lapse of comfortable silence that stretched between them, both shinobi contending with their own inner worlds.

She thought everyone else had forgotten, or perhaps others had noticed but simply chose to ignore it. And then he said what had been on her mind all day, "Today would be the day that seven years ago Sasuke left Konoha, wouldn't it?"

"Yes." Her heart felt as though it was going to jump straight out of her throat. She stiffened and did not reply, merely curled her delicate hands into her lap and pretended as though his words had no affect.

Only she wasn't quick enough to hide the threat of tears dancing her eyes and when Sakura spoke, there was that unmistakable undertone of pain whenever her former team-mate was mentioned. It still hurt to hear his name spoken aloud, so she avoided using it. "I keep thinking that maybe if he had stayed, if I could have stopped him. If Naruto-kun could have brought him back, things could still be the way they were."

With a sad little twitch of a smile she turned to him and added, "We might still have been team 7, the three of us on our way to being chuunin together. But I guess it is sort of silly to wish for those things now."

Kakashi sighed and for the first time, Sakura thought her former teacher looked much older than he really was. Although his face remained cloaked, Sakura witnessed briefly the man's sorrow as his whole body appeared to be weighed down by his thoughts. Because to this day he had never really showed his emotions, Sakura had never thought about what Sasuke's betrayal (because that was what it really was in the end) might have meant to the jounin.

"It does no one any good to dwell on those things, Sakura," he said slowly, "Sasuke made his decision in the same way we all must choose our own pathes in life to walk--"

"I know," she said sharply, gaining strength in her voice. "I know that it's foolish of me to still think of him. After he abandoned Konoha, abandoned us. You know it really broke a part of Naruto-kun? He is always running towards the future because I think he doesn't want to think about the past. To this day, I still think he blames himself a little. I know I blame myself sometimes. .."

Silence lapsed in which Kakashi was not exactly sure what to say. Sakura forced herself to unclench her fists, exhaling a puff of hot air in the cold night. A cloud condensed in front of her face, disappearing quickly as it had materialized. She brushed away strands of pink, revealing her pale profile in the moonlight. The years had aged her as well, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Long gone was the awkward charm of adolscence; in its wake, Sakura's cheeks had become defined, her features mature. Her small lips formed a serious line, and Kakashi couldn't help but notice something else was different.

Her eyes, once wide and round like saucers with the air of innocence, had darkened over the years to a smoldering mysterious jade. The former teacher suddenly realized that this wasn't the same kunoichi who had formerly studied under him.

In fact, it was hard for Kakashi to believe that the woman before him had once been nothing more than a silly little girl, chasing the footsteps of her teammates. Under Tsunade's wing, she had found her niche. A place where her booksmarts could be put to the test and her cunning mind could be sharpened.

"You shouldn't," he eventually said, "blame yourself, I mean. And it isn't foolish to think about Sasuke, I understand what he meant to the both of you. Just don't let your memories consume you, Sakura. It's not healthy to think about the past too much."

Sakura gently placed her hand ontop of his, asking sweetly, "are you speaking from experience, sensei?"

This simple gesture surprised the silver-haired shinobi more then anything else. The sudden invasion of personal space. In fact, his instinctive reaction was to pull away out of utter bewilderment. He immediately regretted doing so, cursing himself silently for making the situation awkward. Sakura had not meant anything by it, in fact Kakashi was sure it been completely harmless. So why did he have to go and ruin the simple moment of Sakura confiding in him? For that matter, why was he blushing?

By now, it was too late to remedy the situation. While Kakashi struggled to keep his composure, Sakura had turned away to hide her own beet-red face. "I-I better get back to work," she murmured as she got up and scammered away.

Kakashi made some excuse as well but Sakura had already disappeared into the hospital. He wanted to go after her and apologize but he wasn't sure what exactly he would have been saying sorry for.

He slapped his palm to his forehead, _I shouldn't have bothered her in the first place. What was I thinking in coming here?_ Kakashi quickly vacated the rooftop, as if leaving the scene would erase what had just transpired. He knew he should have kept going on his way home that evening and yet something had compelled him to pay the kunoichi a visit. But what?

A voice in the back of Kakashi's mind already knew the answer. _Loneliness._ Kakashi knew that Sakura and him shared a similar struggle.

The tides of time were too strong for them. The future was rushing away from them, the past was sinking its claws on their heart. They were stuck in the middle.

"For the both of us," he whispered, "I hope we find some sense of balance, Sakura-chan."


	2. Chapter 2

"Burning the midnight candle again, Sakura-san?" The young woman awoke with a start as Shizune entered their office, opening the blinds to let in the morning sun. Sakura winced at the sudden invitation of bright light in the room while quickly wiping up the evidence of drool on her desk. She must have fallen asleep reading a pile of scrolls Tsunade had been making her sort through. On some days, Sakura wondered if she was nothing more than the hokage's over-qualified secretary. Not that she didn't count her blessings to be able to serve directly under the most politically powerful person in all of Konoha.

Her brain still adjusting to wakefulness, Sakura only groaned in reply. She stood up to stretch, and this alone required a little effort in excavating herself from the piles of parchment. _This must be what it meant ot bury oneself in their work. _On most days, this sort of dry humor on her part would have at least inspired an inward smile. But it was too early for that and as of that moment Sakura was feeling more than a little caffiene-deprived.

"What time is it?" The kunoichi asked as Shizune tidied up the office they shared. She was still struggling to remember at what point in the night she had drifted off.

"A quarter till 9. This is the second night in a row you have fallen asleep at your desk," Shizune said with a mild frown. Sakura never had an elder sister, she didn't have any siblings at all for that matter. Her father had passed away when she was young and her mother had never remarried. But she liked to think that Shizune often acted as the mature, protective sister her childhood had been devoid of.

It was sort of endearing.

"Do I need to have Tsunade-sama order you to go home on a regular basis, like _last _time?"

Except in instances like this.

Shizune was always quick to address Sakura's workaholic nature, lecturing her that it wasn't healthy, advocating the importance of a normal social life. But as far as Sakura was concerned, she was comfortable in this routine. A field mission here and there ocassionally broke up the daily landscape of her life. And it wasn't as though she was complete social leper. She had friends, Naruto was busy leading ANBU missions these days but he stopped by when he could. Her and Ino had long since patched things up, alot of the rivalry dying out by the time they reached seventeen.

"That won't be necessary Shizune-san. It's just I have been working really late these last few nights. I think I am really close to a breakthrough with that chakra-disease that we have been seeing in a few patients lately," Sakura answered. The papers littering her desk were evidence of this struggle. Peering at the notes now, the kunoichi felt as though her delicate hand-writing was mocking her, telling her that she was close but not close enough.

Shizune shook her head in disaproval, "That's all well and fine but what good will your mind be if you don't get some real rest once in awhile?"

Sakura wanted to reply with _I'll sleep when I'm dead._ But something told her this wasn't the type of answer Shizune was going to accept gracefully. Lucky for Sakura, she had long since become adept in the art of soothing the other kunoichi's nature to worry. "I promise that's just what I'm going to do right now. I need to eat some breakfast anyways. Let me know if anything comes up!"

The older woman nodded, obviously relieved that Sakura would be heeding her advice for once. Sakura quickly gathered her things, as well as any paperwork she could manage to stuff into her bookbag without gaining too much suspicion. With Shizune so eager to see her go home once in awhile, she would just have to take some of her work with her.

Sakura cut through the village square on her way home, It was still early enough that most of the daily traffic had yet to fill the area with noise and movement. Right now it was quiet, the merchants opening their shops and carrying about their daily chores before the hustle and bustle of village life takes full hold. By late afternoon, this entire area would become congested with old women and screaming children. One could say, it really wasn't Sakura's cup of tea.

There was nothing welcoming about Sakura's empty apartment. Truth be told, she didn't spend enough time in it to really call it home. A few sparse decorations, photos of Naruto and Kakashi-sensei, her mother. It wasn't difficult to tell she lived alone. A single-bedded futon in her bedroom, a single barstool at her tiny kitchen table. What she had wasn't much, but it served its purpose.

"Tadaima," she mumbled as she took off her shoes, immediately abandoning her bookbag by the front door. Sakura was still eager to get back to work, but the gurgling sound of her stomach reminded her of her first priority: food.

As a matter of convinience, Sakura didn't like to keep a whole lot of perishable foods in her kitchen. Even still, opening the fridge was sometimes an extremely foreboding experience. "Good news, ladies and gents! The eggs are still good!" She announced to no one in particular, slamming the fridge door behind her with a dull thud.

Hunger satiated after a small breakfast, Sakura pushed away her plate and began the task of opening mail. Important stuff she always had sent to the office, leaving personal letters and such to be dealt with at her leisure whenever she was home. A postcard from Lee, who was still doing liason business in the Wave Country, a letter from Kankuro in the land of the Sand. It had been several years since the day she saved him from a brutal poison wound, but ever since, the puppet-specialist claimed her as a friend.

He wrote to tell her that he was getting married soon, and that Temari and Shikamaru were having their first child in the Spring. Sakura smiled at this news, having since known it was only a matter of time before the unorthodox couple started a family. In some ways, Sakura envied Temari. It wasn't as if they were particularly close, but a part of Sakura longed for what the sand-nin had.

_And what's that? A love life? _She asked herself, feeling a little bitter. It could be that Sakura was approaching the age where most girls got married and settled down, but lately she had wondered if being the dutiful wife to some salary-worker was really what she wanted. Between Shizune and her mother, Sakura felt the pressure to meet Mr. Right. _Maybe I've become too jaded these days. Whatever happened to my wish for a fairy-tale happy ending? Did I simply grow out of it or have become too pessimistic. . . ?_

Sakura sat the letter down, her thoughts unfortunately drifting back to Sasuke. She always wondered about what could have been. If the rest of the world knew how often he crossed her mind, they would probably regard Sakura with a sense of disgust. As any sane person would after so long. Surely there was a certain point when it is necessary to let go. _Easier said than done, I suppose,_ Sakura thought to herself as she washed her dishes. _You can tell your mind one thing, but in the end the heart is still going to keep doing what it does. _

"Kakashi-sensei was right though," she said aloud, as if the sound of her own voice could drown out the feelings digging at her on the inside. "I need to let him go. I need to stop dwelling. . ."

_Sensei. _Sakura had tried to forget the embarrassing incident back on the rooftop several nights ago. Since then her former teacher had all but vanished from her life. Which isn't to say he wasn't prone to do this from time to time but now it made her worry a little. _I don't even know why I reached for his hand! I should have known it wasn't approriate. He may not be my teacher any more but there is still a fine line of respect between us. _

_Then why did I do it?_

"It's just he looked so sad," she answered herself. Sakura saw her own pain in him, that and much much more. What did she really know of the burden the jounin carried inside? He was a secretive person afterall, never revealling much about himself even though they had worked along side one another for countless missions. He always dodged any investigation into his personal life. Which was fine, a man deserved his privacy. _But just because sensei keeps things to himself doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings that weigh him down like everybody else. _When he came to hospital the other night, Sakura surmised it must have been because he still had his own guilt.

About Sasuke, but maybe something else as well.

The medical kunoichi suddenly felt the urge to seek him out. Apologize for making him uncomfortable, but let Kakashi know that she was there for him. _Yeah! That's what I will do! _After all, the last thing Sakura wanted was for her relationship with her former mentor to be strained for something as ridiculous as a misread gesture. If Naruto wasn't already out on a lengthy mission, she would have even asked him to tag along. To act as a sort of buffer. That and he had a way of breaking tension in an environment simply by being himself.

_Oh well. _She would just have to make do talking to her sensei alone. How hard could it be?

Little did Sakura know what fate had instore for the both of them. Only time would tell if what happened next was for the better. Or the worse.

Kakashi fixed his good eye keenly on the memorial's glossy surface, the familiar names of his fallen comrades glaring back at him. It was here he came each day to remember them, speak silently to their departed spirits. People liked to think Kakashi must be a religious man since he came here every day, sometimes staying for hours it what looked like prayer. But in truth, he had never considered himself much of a spiritual man, the idea of heaven and hell were foggy abstract concepts; what he did know was that Obito was real. Rin, his sensei, his father. They were still very real to him. When he closed his eyes he could picture them in his mind as distinctly as the last time he had saw them. The Sharingan made sure of it.

"Come to pay respects as usual, I see," Kurenai greeted quietly as she approached. She brushed past Kakashi and gently laid down a fresh bouquet of ivory chrysthanumums. The flowers were a stark contrast in the memorial's sea of black obsidian. Kurenai remained kneeling for a moment, extending a callused hand to touch the name of the man she had loved. Asuma.

The fallen shinobi had been a friend of Kakashi as well.

Kakashi noticed a wedding ring on the kunoichi's finger and remembered that she had fallen in love a few winters ago. Kurenai had moved on. She had picked up the pieces of her life and done her best to still find beauty in the world. He was happy for her, relieved that somehow she had managed to fend off the hold Death sometimes had on the people left behind.

Kakashi wanted to ask her, how did she do it? How did she move on without letting go?

As if answering his thoughts, Kurenai said slowly as she rose, "I think Asuma would have wanted me to try and be happy. He always used to joke he would probably die first because he had been smoking a pack a day since he was twelve and that it was okay for me to move on when he was gone. So long as the next guy was not more handsome then him."

She laughed, Kakashi smiled. "I used to think he was just being morbid but now I am sort of glad he said those things. It's made these years easier."

"I am happy for you," he replied, and he actually meant it too.

Kurenai gazed back at him with a concentrated expression before finally asking, "And what about you, Kakashi-sempai? How long before these ghosts no longer haunt your steps?"

He shrugged, feigning a calm air. To her question, Kakashi could not answer because he still wondered the same thing himself. When would the day come he could break away from this morbid routine?

The black-haired woman sighed, turning her back to the memorial. She patted his shoulder as she walked away, "Please don't be a stranger. Stop by once in awhile, alright?"

Kakashi nodded and after her figure had long since receded into the distance, he slowly made his journey home. But not before addressing his fallen comrades one last time, _Until next time, so long old friends._


	3. Chapter 3

It was getting late by the time Kakashi returned home to his flat on the northside of Konoha's remote districts. It was a long commute if he was coming back from the Headquarters but he didn't mind. These days it was almost impossible to find a place to live any closer into the Village's center. Larger clans such as the Hyuuga, had grown over the years and taken up a lot of the inner district housing. Historic sites like the former streets that once occupied the Uchiha clan, had also become pricey but popular real estate. Kakashi supposed people enjoyed the eerie reminants of the powerful clan, the Uchiha Fan still largely painted on many walls and buildings in the area.

But not Kakashi. He liked the peace and quiet of Konoha's outerskirts. But the distance made his guests few, which was perhaps why he was surprised when a certain medical shinobi showed up at his door step.

"Sakura-san, what are you doing here?" Kakashi asked with open curiousity.

The young woman fidgeted with the bag of groceries she had brought along, her head bowed in mild embarrassment. She lifted her gaze and smiled, "Um, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something, sensei. I know it's short notice, but I hope you won't mind too much. I brought some food. . ." She lifted the bag in evidence, shielding herself with it as if in anticipation that Kakashi might simply shut the door on her.

Kakashi didn't have the heart to turn her away, even though he wasn't particularly in a mood to entertain anyone. She had came all this way to talk, after all. That and perhaps the guarantee that he wouldn't have to cook that evening was also nice. He stepped aside with a pleasant smile hidden beneath his mask, "Come right in."

As he shut the door behind her, Kakashi noticed her hesitation to move forward. He quirked a brow at this behavior, peering past her shoulder to see if he had left out anything incriminating. As a matter of principle, Kakashi considered himself a relatively tidy person. So what, then? And why had Sakura come here to begin with?

"Is something wrong?" He eventually asked.

She shook her head furiously, laughing. By now she had placed the food on the counter, removing several containers from the bag. "No, it's just I forgot how bare your place was, sensei. You have even less furniture than me, that's all."

He shrugged, taking a seat on barstool while he watched Sakura prepare the meals. From his vantage point it looked like she had started to make beef curry and some dumplings. "I like to live simply. There isn't anything wrong with that is there?"

"Nope!," she replied. Sakura chatted while she went about opening drawers until she found what she needed. Kakashi was a little amused at how at-home his former student seemed to be. "I never liked having too much clutter either. But then again, my mom had always been a bit of neat freak growing up."

"Not mine," Kakashi said thoughtfully, scratching his chin. "My mother had been very much a packrat. She kept everything and she liked to collect dolls too. I remember because my father used to bring her back ones from his missions."

Sakura simply stared at him, forcing Kakashi to ask "what?"

As though to make up for the fact that she had been staring at him, Sakura immediately diverted her gaze and went about stirring the ingredients violently. "I. . . You. Well, sensei it's just you had never liked to tell us anything about yourself when we were a team. Not even your favorite color."

Kakashi supposed this was a slight exaggeration until he thought about it. He knew he was a private person, this much was true, but Kakashi had not considered the magnitude of the wall he had built to keep others from getting too close over the years. It had been a defense mechanism, created for the sole purpose of keeping his psyche in tact. Only now in his adulthood did he begin to see it has a hinderance.

"Are your parents still married?" Sakura eventually asked and Kakashi began to regret having ever mentioned his family. She gathered several plates from the kitchen and placed them on the dinner table. This required moving a few odds and ends, namely a copy of Make-Out Paradise and Kakashi's shinobi jacket, but Sakura did not seem too concerned with either item.

He shook his head., "They both passed away a long time ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that, sensei," the pink-haired kunoichi said softly. She caught his eye and he could see genuine sympathy reflected in her gaze. Kakashi shrugged it off, eager to change the subject.

"It's fine. Like I said, it was a long time ago," Kakashi got up from the barstool and moved to help her set the table. "Don't think I don't enjoy your company, but I am still curious as to what the ocasison is."

"Well, how about we talk about it after dinner? The food is ready and I don't want it to get cold!" She said happily. "Eat up!"

If Kakashi had known Sakura was such an excellent cook, he would have had her cook for him ages ago. But ontop of being a good cook, Kakashi could plainly see she was also a light-weight when it came to drinking. It had been her idea to open up the bottle of wine, Kakashi himself wasn't much for wine but didn't want to hurt the kunoichi's feelings.

When Sakura finished off her last glass, the evening hours had already waned. Kakashi couldn't believe that he had lost track of time simply talking to her about all sorts of small matters. It was a nice reprieve from his usual routine.

"Mmm, did you like it sensss-ei?" Sakura asked with a mild slur. She looked like she had just spent time out in the cold, her face flushed with a rosey tinge that complimented the pink hue of her short hair. She yawned, pushing her plate away. _Something tells me I am going to have my work cut out for me this evening,_ the former teacher thought in mild exasperation.

"Yes, thank you Sakura-san. It was much better than the bowl of instant ramen that had originally been on tonight's menu," Kakashi replied dryly. He picked up her plate and stacked it on top of his own as he put them in the sink. He would have to wash them later.

At the moment his concern was what to do with the intoxicated kunoichi in front of him. He guessed he could forget finding out what had originally brought her to his door as well. "How am I going to get you home?" Kakashi asked quietly, mostly to himself. He didn't think Sakura could have heard him until she swayed in the direction of the door.

"Don't worry about me, sensei," she said, "I'll just walk home!"

Kakashi was many things, but foolish was not one of them. There was certainly no way he was about to let the kunoichi wander home drunk alone. That could be dangerous for her, as well as anyone who came across Sakura when she was in this state. Even sober, she was a mighty force.

_No, I need to think. Maybe I could have Asuma's old student, that Ino girl, come by and take Sakura home. _But then Kakashi decided against that idea along with the consideration of having anyone else stop by. It would only raise questions as to why Kakashi would have a drunk Sakura in his home to begin with.

"Sakura, I don't think that is such a good idea," Kakashi said with a frown. Sakura was already standing by the door, trying to get her sandals on. In the process of replying, she spun around to face him and accidently stumbled. "Nonsense--"

"CAREFUL!"

In a flash of movement, Kakashi bolted to stop her from taking a tumble straight into ground. She simply giggled, while the white-haired jounin had a less-than-pleased expression. _I don't suppose she would be too happy if her head had been split open on my floor. What a handful . . ._Holding her close now, Kakashi could feel the warmth of her body pressed against him. Suddenly her innocent gesture the other night paled in comparison to this intimacy. He wanted to let her go in that instant but feared she would fall again. That, and a part of him actually didn't mind holding her close.

_No! _He chided himself. This wasn't some girl he picked up from a bar, not that he went to bars much at all or was into picking up random girls. This was his former student, a bright young woman he respected. Cared about. Kakashi refused to let himself follow those thoughts.

"Kakashi-sensei, you're bluuu-shing again!" Sakura laughed, "Kinda like the other night. You know that's why I came over here. I didn't waa-nt things to be awkward between us. I didn't want you to think bad of me."

_I'm pretty sure getting plastered was not part of your original plan though,_ Kakashi thought to himself but did not bother to say aloud. Instead he shook his head, "It's impossible for me to think bad of you, Sakura."

Which was true. She had found a place in his heart where he found himself strangely able to overlook any of her flaws. He felt the same way about Naruto too, but in a different way. With Sakura, Kakashi held a lot of admiration for her progress as a kunoichi. She had come so far over the years, surpassing all of his expectations and more.

"That's nice," she said, leaning against his shoulder. "Because I think you kno--w. You kno-w what it's like to lose someone prec--" Kakashi's heart began to race, despite all his effort to appear calm. Her cheek against his chest, he heard her murmur, "your heart is beating so fast, sensei. Are you nervous--s?"

Luckily, it appeared Kakashi was not going to have to answer that, as Sakura simply passed out in his arms. This was a relief for the older shinobi, who was beginning to feel cornered by drunk-Sakura's comments. "I still don't know what I am going to do with you," he said with a sigh.

Lifting her up in his arms, Kakashi was surprised by how heavy she was. Her lithe appearance was deceiving, Sakura was extremely solid. He carried her over to his futon and placed her gently on top of the sheets. _Looks like I am sleeping on the sofa tonight,_ he said silently while he placed a blanket over her unconscious body.

"Good night, Sakura-san. . ."

He would have to worry about how things were going to turn out in the morning. Chances are if things were awkward before, the situation wasn't about to get better. But in a way Kakashi wasn't entirely unhappy with how things had occured. He didn't realize how much he missed having someone intelligent to talk with over dinner. And Sakura was like him, trying to move on.

Kakashi settled himself on the sofa, removing the head plate that covered his sharingan eye. He closed his eyes as tendrils of sleep crept into his thoughts. _Who knows,_ Kakashi wondered, maybe this would all work out for the better in the end for the both of them.


End file.
